I’m trying not to fall into a pit of despair over the fact that I just graduated college and I’m doing nothing with my life right now. I have no real job, other than taking care of my mom and the house which IS a job in itself and not one that I do well lmao, but I still live at home, I do nothing every day but sit around saying I’ll do things that I never do, feel miserable at the end of each day because I’m a useless piece of shit, aaaaaaaand repeat it all again the next day.
I’m tired of this.
Part of it is executive dysfunction, actually most of it is, brought on by post-grad depression. So even shit that I WANT to do? I don’t do. Lmao. Study Korean, nope. Watch some shows, nope. Clean, nope. I am just tired all the time and it’s safe to say that I basically just want to go back to sleep at any given point in time. I wouldn’t even get out of bed if my mom didn’t need me. Sure, there’s physical therapy but there’s issues with that rn. Basically my physical therapist is an idiot so I switched to a different one and have to go through the evaluation process all over again and ugh. I don’t want to lmao. I start up again on Monday but yeah, I just. I hope maybe once I start going again, I’ll have a sense of routine again. I’ll get out three days a week and have something to work on and do. But other than that I need to get off of my ass and do something with the house. My bed is a total wreck in itself, just… I look at it and I’m like no wonder I am miserable when there is nothing but pill bottles and empty water bottles and cereal boxes and shit all over the place?????? And clothes and junk in boxes all over my room that I need to go through and sort out. But yeah. I’m a mess. My whole life is a mess right now.
I guess in the coming months things will sort themselves out. I’m trying to be gentle with myself and acknowledge that I’m suffering from symptoms of my conditions. It doesn’t help that it’s freezing outside and we don’t have a functioning furnace so it’s always cold. If it were warm outside I’d have less issues with doing things but because it’s always cold I am always in pain and always tired and unwilling to leave my warm bedroom. But it is miserable being stuck in here all day, every day, with no contact with anyone outside of my mother and the internet lmao. I just.
I had hoped for a lot more for myself by this age.
But I need to work through those expectations and accept that I am in limbo right now. I won’t know where my life is headed until April and I don’t know where I’m going to be in a few months or what’s going to happen or anything and it’s fucking terrifying. My life is going to go from this stagnant nothingness to fast-paced busy as shit overnight and I don’t know how I’m going to handle it. I just. I’m scared, really.
I don’t know, man, I’m just feeling down tonight. I’m gonna find something to eat and rest and maybe force myself to watch a show or something and see if I get sucked in and maybe pass the time faster that way. Idk.
another ask meme no one will send me anything for cause i’m too out of touch with my followers, and i just wanted to answer them all anyway so~
how did you discover witchcraft?
well, it’s fuzzy because divination was always in my family but it was more based in christianity? like communing with angels and praying and drawing the cards in tarot in god’s name i guess. then some really bad stuff happened in my life when i was about 9-10 and my mom and i would always go to this metaphysical shop. i always got crystals there, namely rose quartz, and i saw faeries when i was little so i’d love to go there and see the faerie stuff lol. but they had witch stuff too so when things got bad my mom turned to witchcraft and i got my start there. we abandoned it for a long time after some shit went awry but i picked it back up in 2010? and i’ve felt a lot more whole since then. i don’t practice as much as i used to or would like to but it’s very much a part of me.
how long have you been a witch for?
this is a fuzzy question because i started young, abandoned it, then rekindled it. i would say i’ve been a witch for a solid 8 years, give or take a couple years as a child.
where did you start in your craft?
very small. i feel like i’m starting over again now because i had a few bad spells and took a break for a bit. like my spells worked just not how i wanted them to lmao so i was like hold up wait a minuteksjdf so i’m starting slow again. self-love spells and candle magic, stuff for sleep, nightly rituals with bubble baths, candles, and lavender/chamomile lotion that sort of stuff. i don’t know if i’ll go much bigger than that for a while but yeah.
how has your craft evolved since then?
it’s evolved quite a bit. i used to be anti-curse but i’m open to it now, i just don’t have the energy to actually do it. just don’t fuck with me. other than that i guess i’m just open to more things now? but still wary because i know what i’m capable of and i know life works in weird ways so it’s like well i want THIS to happen but NOT LIKE THAT so i gotta start putting in stipulations i guess lmao. i don’t know, my mindset has evolved.
what is that one thing that happened that convinced you that magic is real?
when i did a glamour about 3 years ago and it fuckin worked like a charm. i was amazed at how confident i felt and how i came off to people, i even like… got some unwanted attention out of it lmao which was a downside but you know, be careful what you witch for. but it worked and i want to do another glamour but i haven’t been able to get the same kind of energy i had when i did it. i was so confident and unafraid when i did it that it really came out in the spell. i remember to seal it i burnt a strand of my hair in the candle and the flame shot up into my hand and didn’t burn me and i was like hoLY SHIT MAGIC IS REAL. best moment.
what is one area you are completely convinced that is real? what are you more skeptic about?
i don’t know? i’m open to anything. like obviously i don’t think people can make themselves float or shapeshift and stuff but then again who the fuck am i to say some people can’t lmao you never know.
what celestial object do you feel most connected to?
celestial object? like planets moons and stars? uh, probably venus. i’m a libra and an aphrodite devotee sooooo. venus.
do you have a favourite crystal? favourite herb?
amethyst and tiger’s eye for sure. and i love lavender and rose petals.
what is your favourite divination method?
tarot for sure, been reading for a long time. i started reading on a handmade deck and i got my own official deck in 2012, i still use it and i still adore it.
are there any less known areas that you practice?
not really? i like to think of what i do as psychological magic but lmao that’s just me being a witch/psychologist trying to incorporate my crafts into each other. like for example i consider shadow work to be psych magic since it’s based on carl jung’s concept of the shadow. interesting shit.
how open are you about your craft?
preeeeeeeettty open. i wear a pentacle necklace everywhere i go, even when i was in college–a very catholic college–i wore it and people were very interested in it! but in a scared way lol
do you know any witches in real life?
i do! a good friend of mine is a witch as well.
any areas you wish you were better at?
i wish i was better at herbal magic. i do mostly candle stuff because i can’t afford a whole mess of herbs and i’m not good at disposing of herbal residue and whatnot but i love it so much. i just wish i had more freedom to do more i guess.
any areas you have always been interested in but never got around to trying?
hmmm sea witchery. i want to live near a beach one day to make that happen. take trips to te beach, collect sand and seawater, some seashells, do some magic, i’m down with that.
any areas you have been interested in and know a lot about but are too scared to try?
not really, i don’t know a whole lot about anything lol i am a little afraid of shadow work though. it’s a tough thing to do.
do you have a familiar?
i’m not sure. i believe my cat kira might be but i’m not even sure how to tell.
do you have a spirit guide?
probably but idk
do you have any spirit companions?
what is your favourite thing about your craft?
it makes me feel more in control about situations i don’t really have control over. when i do a spell i feel like i’m capable of changing the world, although that’s not true, it feels like it. i like the feeling of having confidence and control, although even still i don’t have much confidence in my spellwork yet, i get nervous and afraid at times. but i’m getting there and i feel good when i do magic.
what is some advice that you would give baby witches? or your past self when you were just starting out?
start slow. it might be boring, it might not have a big payoff, and it might not appear that anything has changed. but it’s important to start small because you are working with some heavy shit. you gotta research and know what you’re doing before you delve right into those curses and junk, i believe.
post a picture of your favourite page of your grimoire/book of shadows/witchy journal!
i’m still in the process of converting my basic ass notepad files in a folder bos to a nicer handwritten one sobs
how important are tools in your practice?
ummmmmmm i guess pretty important now that i think about it. i like using tools like candles and such but i know i don’t have to. it’s just easier for me to do more symbolic magic.
do you prefer to buy or make your tools?
buy them cause i suck at making anything lmao