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Brittany. 28. Libra. INxP. Bisexual. Psychology Student. Eclectic Pagan. Aphrodite. Hekate. Mermaids. Cats. Donuts. Kingdom Hearts. Final Fantasy. Cooking. Neuroscience. The Nightmare Before Christmas. Tea. Kpop. Fleetwood Mac. Nail polish. Plaid. Eyeliner. Boots. Space. Charmed. Symphonic Metal. Crystals. Tarot. Sea Witchery. NCT. Within Temptation. Jun Hyosung. Writing. Merlin. Anthropology. AOA. Tsuritama. SHINee. Edgar Allan Poe. Girl's Day. Star Wars. Puppies. Utada Hikaru. Classic Hollywood. The Originals. Seashells. Singing. Pokemon. Rain. AC/DC. Astronomy. Candles.

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Time: 12/6/18 @ 8:27am
Mood: Bored
Music: Florence + the Machine - Heartlines
Watching: Nothing
Doing: Blogging
Song Stuck in Head: NCT 127 - Simon Says / K/DA - POP/STARS
Playing: FFIX, KH Days
Obsessions: NCT, KH

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Name: Blinding
Features: Yuna from Final Fantasy X
Tools: Adobe Photoshop CS2, Notepad
Fonts: Notera, Porcelain, 0b403 or whatever, Century Gothic
Lyrics: Florence + The Machine - Blinding
Comments: I threw this together in like an hour lmao and it shows. It's not great. It's just a blend of pictures I threw through a filter I made a long time ago and then threw some text on. I was just so inspired by this song and Yuna popped into my mind, and what she might have felt when Tidus had to leave. Though really, the song just means a lot to me, personally, because it describes things that I've been feeling in my life recently. Particularly the 'no more calling like a crow for a boy' and 'no more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong one' lines. It just hits me in the heart and I wanted to make something with them, so this happened. I'm just not sure whY when I upload images now they stretch so big lmao like they get ruined I'm so mad about it but if you zoom out to 90% you get something of what it's supposed to look like. Ugh.

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Hidama.net, its layouts, content, coding, and etc. is the personal property of Brittany © 2012-2018 with credited usage of images, lyrics, and etc. unless otherwise stated. Please note that password-protected entries are password-protected for a reason and the password is available to close friends only and that won't be changing anytime soon.

so keep your eyes on me now~
00000 Sunday 9 December 2018 @ 12:32 pm

Man. I don’t know what’s happening but I felt hypomanic and then I crashed in energy but my mind is still running super fast.

I just feel like, I need to work on a lot of things. It’s overwhelming how many things about myself I don’t like, but what if instead of changing everything about myself I just… learn to accept it. Learn to accept that I’m a bit awkward with strangers. To accept that I look a bit younger, that I’m not good with public speaking, that I’m a bit behind in life. Instead, I gotta learn to just embrace some things and look at the positives about myself. I may be awkward, quiet, and tongue-tied at first but once I get comfortable I can get really deep and I’m even funny sometimes. And I’m a good listener, I’m good at empathizing and understanding other people. That’s why I’m aiming to become a therapist. I don’t know what else to do or how else to be, other than deeply compassionate, listening to people, validating them, empathizing. I’m good at it. I’m also a great writer. I’ve been having fun writing out really ridiculous romance scenarios to amuse myself, and they’re not half bad. My academic writing is also something to brag about, I’m just really proud of my writing skills. Some people are better, yes, and I have a lot to learn still but I have raw, natural talent and if I work on honing it a bit more I can be even better. I’m really good with written word, and maybe it would be an idea to consider doing counseling work online or working for a crisis text hotline at some point. I don’t know. I just now thought of that, so it’s a very green idea but it’s something that maybe I can consider sometime.

But anyway, my looks are a big source of my self esteem issues, too. But. I mean, I like this picture.

Black and white but lmao hey it’s still good.

I look young but most people seem to think I’m 22. Wish I was 22. But I guess it’s not a bad thing to look younger, at least when I’m older I’ll still look young, I guess? I just wish people would take me more seriously, though. But I digress. I need to have confidence in myself, and I mean no, looks aren’t everything, but it helps to like how you look. And I do need to work on that much, just accepting myself. I mean, I’ve got a cute face, nice tits, nice legs, cute ass, I’ve got it. I just want to work on liking myself, inside and out, and I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all.

As for being behind in life, I can’t… do much about that, but try to catch up at my own pace. I will go to grad school. I will get my own place. I will learn to drive. I will meet someone to at least fuck, I mean, there’s got to be someone out there I can trust enough to get close to that way. It’s not as important as obtaining the freedom and independence that I crave, but it’s on my list, yeah. I’m not looking for a “man to take care of me” I’m looking for someone, anyone, that I can trust and love who will trust and love me back. I don’t think that’s a lot to ask for.

I just. I guess what I want to work on is having confidence. Rather than trying to change every little thing about myself, just… accept my flaws and do my best to do better when I can.

I’m trying my best now to be an adult, make my phone calls, go to my doctor’s appointments, go to physical therapy, it’s tough. But I’m doing the best I can and that’s what’s important. It’s the end of the year so I feel the desire to be lazy and I think I can get away with it. Nothing much to do but rot until the first of the year and then really grind and get my shit together. Get grad school stuff finished, look for apartments, possibly a roommate, work on getting rid of shit, etc. 2019 will be a long year, and even if I don’t get into grad school, I’m still going to work on moving and I will try again. But hopefully, things will work out and I can accomplish shit in 2019. That’s all I want.

♥ Brittany

Filed under: goals, photo of the day, self love