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Brittany. 28. Libra. INxP. Bisexual. Psychology Student. Eclectic Pagan. Aphrodite. Hekate. Mermaids. Cats. Donuts. Kingdom Hearts. Final Fantasy. Cooking. Neuroscience. The Nightmare Before Christmas. Tea. Kpop. Fleetwood Mac. Nail polish. Plaid. Eyeliner. Boots. Space. Charmed. Symphonic Metal. Crystals. Tarot. Sea Witchery. NCT. Within Temptation. Jun Hyosung. Writing. Merlin. Anthropology. AOA. Tsuritama. SHINee. Edgar Allan Poe. Girl's Day. Star Wars. Puppies. Utada Hikaru. Classic Hollywood. The Originals. Seashells. Singing. Pokemon. Rain. AC/DC. Astronomy. Candles.

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Time: 12/6/18 @ 8:27am
Mood: Bored
Music: Florence + the Machine - Heartlines
Watching: Nothing
Doing: Blogging
Song Stuck in Head: NCT 127 - Simon Says / K/DA - POP/STARS
Playing: FFIX, KH Days
Obsessions: NCT, KH

desktop

layout

Name: Blinding
Features: Yuna from Final Fantasy X
Tools: Adobe Photoshop CS2, Notepad
Fonts: Notera, Porcelain, 0b403 or whatever, Century Gothic
Lyrics: Florence + The Machine - Blinding
Comments: I threw this together in like an hour lmao and it shows. It's not great. It's just a blend of pictures I threw through a filter I made a long time ago and then threw some text on. I was just so inspired by this song and Yuna popped into my mind, and what she might have felt when Tidus had to leave. Though really, the song just means a lot to me, personally, because it describes things that I've been feeling in my life recently. Particularly the 'no more calling like a crow for a boy' and 'no more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong one' lines. It just hits me in the heart and I wanted to make something with them, so this happened. I'm just not sure whY when I upload images now they stretch so big lmao like they get ruined I'm so mad about it but if you zoom out to 90% you get something of what it's supposed to look like. Ugh.

dead end

Hidama.net, its layouts, content, coding, and etc. is the personal property of Brittany © 2012-2018 with credited usage of images, lyrics, and etc. unless otherwise stated. Please note that password-protected entries are password-protected for a reason and the password is available to close friends only and that won't be changing anytime soon.

SIMON SAYS URIN REAL VIBE KILLER
00000 Thursday 6 December 2018 @ 1:10 pm

My brain for the past two weeks:

Lmao not specifically this mashup but these two songs have been on loop since Simon Says came out and I can’t believe someone mashed them up like they were reading my mind.

But like this mashup has actually been on my mind too and I feeeeeeeeeeeeel like I need all three songs mashed together just so I can Die in peace

Goddddddddd pop/stars is just such a good song man i cannot

But anyway

I’ve been losing my mind quite literally. I’m very tired. I’m very sad. I’m very ready for death. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I just feel an overwhelming sense of…. failure. Lmao.

I just want to get into grad school. I’m afraid that I won’t. I’m afraid I’ll bomb the phone interview and lose my chance. I’m afraid I just won’t be good enough. I’m afraid I won’t even be able to afford it. I’m afraid I won’t even have a place to live. I don’t know, there’s so much in this basket that it’s overflowing and I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.

But I’m trying to have faith. I’m trying really hard to have hope. I just feel so useless, being 28 and still living at home, not being able to even do much around the house, trying to take care of my mom and not doing a very good job at it, not being able to get a real job to support us and find a way to move out to go to school, I’m just. I’m very worried and I feel like a failure. Everyone else my age is either married or has a good job or travels the world or is at least somewhat self sufficient. I’m not. And I just feel like I’m failing at life because I don’t do anything but minimal housework, physical therapy on a good day, grocery shopping, go to doctor’s appointments, and look at Jaehyun and fuck around on Twitter and Tumblr.

I am too old for all of this. I feel stunted. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life and i don’t feel like I have any control over it. I’m tired.

And I still have to write about my trip to LA because at least that made me feel like an independent adult. God.

I don’t know, I’m trying to have faith that my life will work itself out into something that I’m content with. I’m trying really hard.

I need to change the layout, too, but for now I’m just using another old one because Photoshop just sucks on this computer and I can’t get a layout that I really like at the right size. For some reason, every one I make comes out too small or looks all stretched out and ugly. I don’t like that at all lmao so I have to work something out I guess. Not that anyone cares, no one reads this blog and the domain runs out soon so I gotta shell out $30 to do that and ughasldjfdfdfkasdfkjs

I’M TIRED

EDIT // Ended up throwing a layout together because this song inspired me. It’sk ind of shitty but I like it anyway. I just wish it didn’t fucking stretch out???????????? What the fuck why does that happen is it just my computer lmao??????????? I DON’T KNOW WHY THAT HAPPENS IT LOOKED FINE IN PHOTOSHOP AND WHEN I CODED IT I’M SO MAD

anyway

♥ Brittany

Filed under: music, school, updates, vent