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Brittany. 27. Libra. INxP. Bisexual. Psychology Student. Eclectic Pagan. Hellenic Polytheism. Researcher. Mermaids. Cats. Donuts. Kingdom Hearts. Final Fantasy. Cooking. Neuroscience. The Nightmare Before Christmas. Tea. Kpop. Tim Burton. Fleetwood Mac. Nail polish. Plaid. Eyeliner. Boots. Space. Charmed. Symphonic Metal. Crystals. Tarot. Sea Witchery. Within Temptation. Jun Hyosung. Writing. Merlin. Anthropology. AOA. Tsuritama. SHINee. Edgar Allan Poe. Girl's Day. Star Wars. Puppies. Utada Hikaru. Classic Hollywood. The Originals. Once Upon a Time. Seashells. Singing. Pokemon. Rain. AC/DC. Dangan Ronpa. Astronomy. Candles.

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Time: 9/15/18 @ 5:02am
Mood: Bored
Music: SHINee - Symptoms
Watching: Charmed
Doing: Blogging, scrolling Tumblr
Song Stuck in Head: NCT Dream - We Young
Playing: FFXV
Obsessions: NCT, watching old cartoons on Boomerang ksdfdfkd

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layout

Name: Passion
Features: Jack and Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas
Tools: Adobe Photoshop CS3, Notepad
Fonts: Idk lmao
Lyrics: Stream of Passion - Passion
Comments: I made this layout in 2010? I think? For Halloween. It still stands as the best layout I've ever made and it's really a shame that I didn't use it for very long. So I decided to bring it back for this year's Halloween season because... I can. I really love this layout, every aspect of it is handmade. The tombstone tables, the smokey border around the blend, the cutting around the images, etc. Even the bg was a fair bit of work, though I did use some ghosty pattern that I can't for my life find the credit link for ;; But all in all this layout is some of my proudest work and seeing as I'm already in the Halloween spirit, I decided to bring it back! Possibly forever.

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Hidama.net, its layouts, content, coding, and etc. is the personal property of Brittany © 2012-2018 with credited usage of images, lyrics, and etc. unless otherwise stated. Please note that password-protected entries are password-protected for a reason and the password is available to close friends only and that won't be changing anytime soon.

energy???????// wats that
00000 Saturday 1 September 2018 @ 5:34 pm

So I’m thinking, I really dislike my life. I’m not happy with where I’m at. The house is a wreck. I can’t drive. I’m not in school. I can’t work. I have no energy to do anything ever. My emotions are pretty much turned off for the time being. Yeah.

Yeah.

I’m just not happy. And I figure, okay, well, what can I do to change my circumstances? Try my best to clean the house. Little by little. I’ll make a list. A functional analysis, if you will, of all the things I have to do but broken into small, do-able tasks. But then I do that and get overwhelmed. So.

I can take small steps to learn to drive. Explore the car. Sit in the driver’s seat with the car turned off. Feel it out. I can do that without panicking. But as soon as the car turns on I’m like oh shit. I’ve really got to work on this. But seeing as my mom is the one who needs to teach me, it’s all kind of in the air and dependent upon her health how often we can practice and whatnot. So. I’m kinda stuck. Plus the car is still new and she needs to familiarize herself with it more, too. But it’s been too hot out to go anywhere, really. Or to practice. And the parking lot down the street is a fucking madhouse so it’s like, how am I supposed to learn there when there are cars coming in at every direction, people walking in and out of stores at the shopping center, etc. I don’t know. It’s all overwhelming.

I could just… do anything. I could study Japanese. I could play a video game. I could do anything I want to do. But I just sit here doing nothing all day because I have no energy an then feel guilty using what little energy I have to do something fun instead of doing something productive. So.

It’s all a mess. An overwhelming, guilt-ridden mess. I don’t know how to fix this.

I can’t do anything about school until January. Don’t even know if I’ll get my letters of rec because it’s too early to ask. Ah.

SO I DON’T KNOW.

I’m just stuck right now is what I’m saying. I can’t do much to change my situation and life circumstances. Not right now anyway.

I just feel like a loser lmao I’m going to be 28 next month but I’m just… stuck like this. No job. No freedom. No independence. No school. No significant other. No energy. No nothing. Ugh.

I guess I’ll just try to work on not getting overwhelmed and just try to push through the lack of energy to get things done. I guess that’s where I start.

♥ Brittany

Filed under: vent