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Brittany. 28. Libra. INxP. Bisexual. Psychology Student. Eclectic Pagan. Aphrodite. Hekate. Mermaids. Cats. Donuts. Kingdom Hearts. Final Fantasy. Cooking. Neuroscience. The Nightmare Before Christmas. Tea. Kpop. Fleetwood Mac. Nail polish. Plaid. Eyeliner. Boots. Space. Charmed. Symphonic Metal. Crystals. Tarot. Sea Witchery. NCT. Within Temptation. Jun Hyosung. Writing. Merlin. Anthropology. AOA. Tsuritama. SHINee. Edgar Allan Poe. Girl's Day. Star Wars. Puppies. Utada Hikaru. Classic Hollywood. The Originals. Seashells. Singing. Pokemon. Rain. AC/DC. Astronomy. Candles.

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Time: 12/6/18 @ 8:27am
Mood: Bored
Music: Florence + the Machine - Heartlines
Watching: Nothing
Doing: Blogging
Song Stuck in Head: NCT 127 - Simon Says / K/DA - POP/STARS
Playing: FFIX, KH Days
Obsessions: NCT, KH

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Name: Blinding
Features: Yuna from Final Fantasy X
Tools: Adobe Photoshop CS2, Notepad
Fonts: Notera, Porcelain, 0b403 or whatever, Century Gothic
Lyrics: Florence + The Machine - Blinding
Comments: I threw this together in like an hour lmao and it shows. It's not great. It's just a blend of pictures I threw through a filter I made a long time ago and then threw some text on. I was just so inspired by this song and Yuna popped into my mind, and what she might have felt when Tidus had to leave. Though really, the song just means a lot to me, personally, because it describes things that I've been feeling in my life recently. Particularly the 'no more calling like a crow for a boy' and 'no more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong one' lines. It just hits me in the heart and I wanted to make something with them, so this happened. I'm just not sure whY when I upload images now they stretch so big lmao like they get ruined I'm so mad about it but if you zoom out to 90% you get something of what it's supposed to look like. Ugh.

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Hidama.net, its layouts, content, coding, and etc. is the personal property of Brittany © 2012-2018 with credited usage of images, lyrics, and etc. unless otherwise stated. Please note that password-protected entries are password-protected for a reason and the password is available to close friends only and that won't be changing anytime soon.

energy???????// wats that
00000 Saturday 1 September 2018 @ 5:34 pm

So I’m thinking, I really dislike my life. I’m not happy with where I’m at. The house is a wreck. I can’t drive. I’m not in school. I can’t work. I have no energy to do anything ever. My emotions are pretty much turned off for the time being. Yeah.

Yeah.

I’m just not happy. And I figure, okay, well, what can I do to change my circumstances? Try my best to clean the house. Little by little. I’ll make a list. A functional analysis, if you will, of all the things I have to do but broken into small, do-able tasks. But then I do that and get overwhelmed. So.

I can take small steps to learn to drive. Explore the car. Sit in the driver’s seat with the car turned off. Feel it out. I can do that without panicking. But as soon as the car turns on I’m like oh shit. I’ve really got to work on this. But seeing as my mom is the one who needs to teach me, it’s all kind of in the air and dependent upon her health how often we can practice and whatnot. So. I’m kinda stuck. Plus the car is still new and she needs to familiarize herself with it more, too. But it’s been too hot out to go anywhere, really. Or to practice. And the parking lot down the street is a fucking madhouse so it’s like, how am I supposed to learn there when there are cars coming in at every direction, people walking in and out of stores at the shopping center, etc. I don’t know. It’s all overwhelming.

I could just… do anything. I could study Japanese. I could play a video game. I could do anything I want to do. But I just sit here doing nothing all day because I have no energy an then feel guilty using what little energy I have to do something fun instead of doing something productive. So.

It’s all a mess. An overwhelming, guilt-ridden mess. I don’t know how to fix this.

I can’t do anything about school until January. Don’t even know if I’ll get my letters of rec because it’s too early to ask. Ah.

SO I DON’T KNOW.

I’m just stuck right now is what I’m saying. I can’t do much to change my situation and life circumstances. Not right now anyway.

I just feel like a loser lmao I’m going to be 28 next month but I’m just… stuck like this. No job. No freedom. No independence. No school. No significant other. No energy. No nothing. Ugh.

I guess I’ll just try to work on not getting overwhelmed and just try to push through the lack of energy to get things done. I guess that’s where I start.

♥ Brittany

Filed under: vent