girl
my hope is on fire

Brittany. 28. Libra. INxP. Bisexual. Psychology Student. Eclectic Pagan. Aphrodite. Hekate. Mermaids. Cats. Donuts. Kingdom Hearts. Final Fantasy. Cooking. Neuroscience. The Nightmare Before Christmas. Tea. Kpop. Fleetwood Mac. Nail polish. Plaid. Eyeliner. Boots. Space. Charmed. Symphonic Metal. Crystals. Tarot. Sea Witchery. NCT. Within Temptation. Jun Hyosung. Writing. Merlin. Anthropology. AOA. Tsuritama. SHINee. Edgar Allan Poe. Girl's Day. Star Wars. Puppies. Utada Hikaru. Classic Hollywood. The Originals. Seashells. Singing. Pokemon. Rain. AC/DC. Astronomy. Candles.

currently
my dreams are for sale

Time: 1/26/19 @ 1:54am
Mood: Spacey
Music: AOA - Like a Cat
Watching: Music Videos
Doing: Updating thisl ayout
Song Stuck in Head: Within Temptation - Raise Your Banner
Playing: Waiting to play KH3
Obsessions: Kingdom Hearts, NCT

desktop
i dance on a wire

content
i don't want to fail her

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layout
she's lost in the darkness

Name: Fading Away
Features: Roxas and Xion of Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days
Tools: Adobe Photoshop CS3, Notepad
Images: Took the screencaps myself and idk where I got the official renders sorry
Fonts: Bickham Script Pro, Felix Titling, Lainie Day SH, 04b03
Lyrics: Within Temptation - Lost
Comments: A very old layout I wanted to bring back because I got sick of my last layout and wanted to use a KH layout that I love a great deal. So, here's this. The main focus of this layout is Xion disappearing, bubbles of memories of her fading in the bg, her blurred out by Roxas' side, etc. The lyrics of this song really suit Xion and how Roxas might feel knowing deep down that something is missing--that Xion is missing. So it's a really important layout to me and I just wanted to use it again to bring in the KH3 hype!!!!

dead end
help me i'm buried alive

Hidama.net, its layouts, content, coding, and etc. is the personal property of Brittany © 2012-2018 with credited usage of images, lyrics, and etc. unless otherwise stated. Please note that password-protected entries are password-protected for a reason and the password is available to close friends only and that won't be changing anytime soon.

energy???????// wats that
00000 Saturday 1 September 2018 @ 5:34 pm

So I’m thinking, I really dislike my life. I’m not happy with where I’m at. The house is a wreck. I can’t drive. I’m not in school. I can’t work. I have no energy to do anything ever. My emotions are pretty much turned off for the time being. Yeah.

Yeah.

I’m just not happy. And I figure, okay, well, what can I do to change my circumstances? Try my best to clean the house. Little by little. I’ll make a list. A functional analysis, if you will, of all the things I have to do but broken into small, do-able tasks. But then I do that and get overwhelmed. So.

I can take small steps to learn to drive. Explore the car. Sit in the driver’s seat with the car turned off. Feel it out. I can do that without panicking. But as soon as the car turns on I’m like oh shit. I’ve really got to work on this. But seeing as my mom is the one who needs to teach me, it’s all kind of in the air and dependent upon her health how often we can practice and whatnot. So. I’m kinda stuck. Plus the car is still new and she needs to familiarize herself with it more, too. But it’s been too hot out to go anywhere, really. Or to practice. And the parking lot down the street is a fucking madhouse so it’s like, how am I supposed to learn there when there are cars coming in at every direction, people walking in and out of stores at the shopping center, etc. I don’t know. It’s all overwhelming.

I could just… do anything. I could study Japanese. I could play a video game. I could do anything I want to do. But I just sit here doing nothing all day because I have no energy an then feel guilty using what little energy I have to do something fun instead of doing something productive. So.

It’s all a mess. An overwhelming, guilt-ridden mess. I don’t know how to fix this.

I can’t do anything about school until January. Don’t even know if I’ll get my letters of rec because it’s too early to ask. Ah.

SO I DON’T KNOW.

I’m just stuck right now is what I’m saying. I can’t do much to change my situation and life circumstances. Not right now anyway.

I just feel like a loser lmao I’m going to be 28 next month but I’m just… stuck like this. No job. No freedom. No independence. No school. No significant other. No energy. No nothing. Ugh.

I guess I’ll just try to work on not getting overwhelmed and just try to push through the lack of energy to get things done. I guess that’s where I start.

♥ Brittany

Filed under: vent