Welcome to Brittany's recovery/vent blog. Here you will find entries based around my recovery process in regards to my mental illnesses. Entries may be triggering and, if so, will be password-protected or simply privated. Originally I'd intended for this to be a strictly positive place documenting my recovery, but I realized I need to acknowledge the darker as well as mundane things, too. Overall, this place is for me to document my recovery in all its ups and downs and if you want to see how it goes, feel free to browse around. Passwords will not be freely given for any aforementioned password-protected posts, however. Peace, yo - Brittany.
Brittany. 26. Libra. INxP. Bisexual. Psychology Major.Eclectic Pagan. Hellenic Polytheism. Researcher. Mermaids. Cats. Donuts. Kingdom Hearts.Final Fantasy. Cooking. Neuroscience. The Nightmare Before Christmas. Tea. Kpop. Tim Burton. Fleetwood Mac.Nail polish. Plaid. Eyeliner. Boots. Space. Charmed. Symphonic Metal. Drawing. Crystals.Tarot. Sea Witchery. Within Temptation. Jun Hyosung. Writing. Merlin. Anthropology. AOA. Tsuritama. Edgar Allan Poe. Girl's Day. Star Wars. Puppies. Utada Hikaru. Classic Hollywood. The Originals. Once Upon a Time. Seashells. Haikyuu. Singing. Pokemon. Rain. AC/DC. Dangan Ronpa. Astronomy.Candles.
Name: Tempted Features: Jun Hyosung Tools: Adobe Photoshop CS3, Notepad Fonts: Idk i think one is called Queen of the Night?? lmao idk Lyrics: Collide - Tempted Comments: I made this a while ago... two years ago... ish. But I like it a lot and I was getting tired of how dark the last layout was so I decided to reuse it. I like the colors and Hyosung is hot, that's about my only motivation here.
My internship took a field trip to the zoo today and I saw some otters. It instantly lifted my mood despite how anxious I was about doing groups and walking a lot. I love otters. There’s no point to me saying this other than, I just. Really. Love otters. LOOK HOW MAJESTIC THEY ARE.
I was happy to feel okay, and to be able to remind myself that I was present and capable of doing all that I needed to do. It’s hard for me to do that, I’m always focusing on what I “should” do and that messes me up, it doesn’t help. Instead, I need to start focusing on what I CAN do, what I WANT to do, and act based upon that. I’m not me otherwise.
I also really liked how I looked today. I added some lipstick and took some random photos because, why not. I have a folder full of selfies from the past couple of years and it makes me happy to have the confidence that I have now, because I never used to have it. I just hope I can translate that confidence into who I am as a person. Sometimes, in some photos, I see me. Others, not so much. It’s an exercise in trying to decipher who I am, I guess. And it’s a struggle.
But I’m working on it. I’m in such a weird place in my life right now but I know it’ll pass. All I can do is keep going. I’ll figure things out as I go.
So I got my hair cut the other day and while I miss my long mermaid hair, I really love how it turned out. I felt really good the rest of the day, and I went shopping for some new shorts and got a couple nice things on sale for myself. So, it was a good day and I was feelin myself completely. Days like that are few and far between and short-lived, but always worth noting because I feel like myself when I’m happy. It wasn’t just because of material things and changes to my appearance, although those helped enhance my confidence a lot, it was really a happiness from within and a realization that I am a beautiful person no matter what I look like. I am a beautiful human being and I deserve to feel that all the time, from within, to love myself from within all the time. It’s hard but I’m getting better at it.
I want to be strong and find strength in myself, and not feel so little anymore. I mean, I’m a small girl, but that’s irrelevant. I’ve got to love myself more and stop comparing myself to others in every way, and look down on myself. I don’t need to and I definitely deserve better. I’m going through some tough times right now, learning to deal with my mental illness and let go of things that still hurt, but I’ll find strength in that.
There’s this song and video that have been helping me a lot lately. Birdy’s Wild Horses. Not only is the video totally my aesthetic (mermaids!!!!!!!!) but the lyrics really speak to me. It’s becoming my strength song and it’s very important to me.
1. Stop apologizing
2. Stop comparing
3. Keep working
4. One day at a time
5. Breathe – 4 in, 8 out
6. Be patient
7. Ask for help – don’t demand
8. No expectations
9. Appreciate more
10. Stop apologizing
11. Don’t hurt yourself because you’re hurting
12. Art, do more art
13. Dress up
14. Take walks
15. Get ten minutes of sun every day
16. Stop apologizing
17. Let go of what hurts
18. Leave the past in the past
19. Take photographs
20. STOP APOLOGIZING