‘photo of the day’
kira
00000 Friday 23 December 2016 @ 9:07 pm

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So, I did manage to get a cat after a whole year of wanting one. And she is super precious. She’s a 5 month old kitten (and already so big lmao she’s so big omg) and she’s a brown/grey tabby with black stripes. She has gorgeous little red markings above her big brown eyes and it just makes me so happy. Kira in general makes me very happy.

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(It’s hard to get a good picture of her because 1) she’s super hyper and always moving and 2) lighting in my house sucks. So just deal with my shitty pictures lmao she’s still the most adorable thing ever.)

So, meet Kira. Her hobbies include biting me, biting my phone, eating everything but her cat food, and darting around the house like a banshee and talking. A lot. She’s very vocal lol.

The story goes like this. I went to the shelter asking about kittens and they took me back to where they had all their youngest cats. Kira immediately got my attention. She locked eyes with me and started meowing and being adorable and I just couldn’t say no lmao. I WANTED TO TAKE ALL THE CATS HOME THEY WERE ALL ADORABLE AND VERY CHILL and Kira had a sister in there, too, who was very very chill. Kira was the rowdy one and of course I ended up picking the rowdiest one despite wanting a more calm cat. But I don’t care, Kira and I had that connection, ya know. And she’s very calm when she wants to be lmao she just has lots of energy. But she’s a very good girl and listens when I tell her not to get into something. I just feel bad because I don’t have a lot of energy to keep up with her or play with her for as long as she likes but she does love to snuggle and that makes me SO HAPPY. SO HAPPY.

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So idk what else to say, I’m just very elated to have a furbaby again and especially in time for Christmas. She’s my precious Christmas present this year and it’s very fitting that she loves to sit under the Christmas tree and bat at it lol.

♥ Brittany

Filed under: kira, photo of the day

Photo of the Day #5
00000 Saturday 9 July 2016 @ 1:42 am

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My internship took a field trip to the zoo today and I saw some otters. It instantly lifted my mood despite how anxious I was about doing groups and walking a lot. I love otters. There’s no point to me saying this other than, I just. Really. Love otters. LOOK HOW MAJESTIC THEY ARE.

I was happy to feel okay, and to be able to remind myself that I was present and capable of doing all that I needed to do. It’s hard for me to do that, I’m always focusing on what I “should” do and that messes me up, it doesn’t help. Instead, I need to start focusing on what I CAN do, what I WANT to do, and act based upon that. I’m not me otherwise.

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I also really liked how I looked today. I added some lipstick and took some random photos because, why not. I have a folder full of selfies from the past couple of years and it makes me happy to have the confidence that I have now, because I never used to have it. I just hope I can translate that confidence into who I am as a person. Sometimes, in some photos, I see me. Others, not so much. It’s an exercise in trying to decipher who I am, I guess. And it’s a struggle.

But I’m working on it. I’m in such a weird place in my life right now but I know it’ll pass. All I can do is keep going. I’ll figure things out as I go.

♥ Brittany

Filed under: mental health, notes to self, photo of the day

Photo of the Day #4 + Mental Health Update
00000 Tuesday 5 July 2016 @ 1:12 am

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I spent some time outside today and felt really good. It was gently raining and that’s always nice. And since it’s the 4th, I messed around with those little pop it things and it was kinda fun. Fireworks always get me anxious so I figured I’d just have a little fun on my own, making my own explosion noises, to try to help me cope a little bit. It helped.

I’ve felt pretty okay today generally, but the past few days have been very weird mood-wise. I think I’m in a hypomanic episode because my energy is very high mentally, but my body’s energy is very low so that’s contributing to some restlessness and irritability. It’s all very mild but noticeable, especially in random bouts of hyperactivity and narcissistic-type feelings. Which sounds weird as fuck coming from me but that’s hypomania for you. If that’s what this is. I’m hesitant to say it is because I have no idea but it’s certainly a pointed change in mood and energy level that’s lasting a little while. I’ve felt mixed, too, though, so I don’t know. I’ll talk to my doctor about it soon and hopefully figure out what else can be done med-wise because what I’m on doesn’t seem to be helping.

In any case, I did feel pretty good spending some time outside today, it got some of that energy out in a way that I could manage physically and I took loads of silly selfies, because I could. It wasn’t much but it was enough to make me feel a little better and a little less holed up in the house.

This summer isn’t shaping up to be much of anything, although I did start my internship but right now things are kind of off because of car trouble so… I’m anxious about that but I’ll get it sorted out tomorrow. But next summer I really want to have my license so I can go on drives by myself. Nothing major, just taking a drive out to the river every now and then, going to the bar, hanging out with friends would be nice, too. But I’d really love to devote next summer to myself. I really want to get a tattoo soon, too, but that probably won’t happen until next summer, either. But it’s something to aim for, for sure.

All that said, I’m in an uncomfortable patch in life at the moment but I’m dealing and that’s what matters.

And now, for my summer jam.

♥ Brittany

Filed under: mental health, music, photo of the day

Photo of the Day #3 + Self Love
00000 Monday 6 June 2016 @ 8:59 pm

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So I got my hair cut the other day and while I miss my long mermaid hair, I really love how it turned out. I felt really good the rest of the day, and I went shopping for some new shorts and got a couple nice things on sale for myself. So, it was a good day and I was feelin myself completely. Days like that are few and far between and short-lived, but always worth noting because I feel like myself when I’m happy. It wasn’t just because of material things and changes to my appearance, although those helped enhance my confidence a lot, it was really a happiness from within and a realization that I am a beautiful person no matter what I look like. I am a beautiful human being and I deserve to feel that all the time, from within, to love myself from within all the time. It’s hard but I’m getting better at it.

I want to be strong and find strength in myself, and not feel so little anymore. I mean, I’m a small girl, but that’s irrelevant. I’ve got to love myself more and stop comparing myself to others in every way, and look down on myself. I don’t need to and I definitely deserve better. I’m going through some tough times right now, learning to deal with my mental illness and let go of things that still hurt, but I’ll find strength in that.

There’s this song and video that have been helping me a lot lately. Birdy’s Wild Horses. Not only is the video totally my aesthetic (mermaids!!!!!!!!) but the lyrics really speak to me. It’s becoming my strength song and it’s very important to me.

♥ Brittany

Filed under: music, notes to self, photo of the day, self love

Photo of the Day #2
00000 Monday 23 May 2016 @ 10:26 pm

Last night I didn’t do so well, but I’m feeling better today. I took a walk since it’s nice out and it cheered me up. I bought dinner and some candles so that made a huge difference.

Also, my eye makeup looks great today

Eyyyy. Pretty happy about it. Makeup makes me happy.

The day isn’t over yet and I still feel that sadness looming over me but at least I got out today and had some little fun moments. Hopefully I’ll have more fun things to talk about in future updates.

♥ Brittany

Filed under: mental health, photo of the day

Photo of the Day #1
00000 Sunday 22 May 2016 @ 1:25 pm

Sometimes I really dislike myself. I compare myself to other girls and feel like nothing, in terms of looks and ability among other things. It’s stupid but it’s human and part of the horrific Depression that plagues me. I’m working so hard to overcome it and learn to love myself. And in some moments, I do, fleeting as they are, insignificant and stupid as they may be to others. Deep down, I do. I look at myself sometimes and don’t see a person, but every now and then I see me, and I am a beautiful human being in every way. I won’t let anyone, not even my Depression take that away from me. I fight everyday to keep myself, for myself.

I posted this on Instagram but then deleted it later in the midst of a Depressive episode because I felt that no one cared. But it remained on Tumblr, so I’m posting it here because it’s important.

♥ Brittany

Filed under: photo of the day, self love