‘video games’
forever as one
00000 Tuesday 5 February 2019 @ 7:14 am

So, I finished KH3. I wanted to make a big post about how much KH means to me BEFORE I even played it butttttttttttt

I never got around to it lol

So here I am, less than a week later and I’ve finished the game. I feel more empty than I have in a long time ngl.

But anyway, I have no one to talk about it with so I’m just going to rant and rave about it here.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



It’s a lot to take in.

The way it ends is so fucking bittersweet and I’m left with a lot of questions. Namely, did Sora get Kairi back? Was that really her we saw? And why did Sora disappear? WHY. WHAT HAPPENED. WILL SOKAI EVER GET THEIR HAPPY ENDING.


That’s all I want now is just for them to be happy. They shared a paopu and hugged and held hands and did all these cute things and I just really want them to be okay, ok. Damn.

Seeing everyone reunited really killed me, though, in a good way. But how did Roxas and Xion come back? I mean I get that Ienzo and them worked on bringing Roxas back and I suppose they used data from Sora’s heart to do that. I can accept this. But Xion? The organization brought her back from what? The past? I don’t know, maybe I’m just stupid and missing something obvious, it’s more likely than you think. But it seemed really sloppy to me the way the executed their return, it happened so fast and all at once and it was overwhelming in a good way, I guess, but then it was like… there was so much suspense. And it was just thrown in like oh? Haven’t you heard? Replicas are all the rage now lol LIKE I JUST FEEL LIKE MORE COULD’VE BEEN DONE THERE. And a lot was spoiled by that final battle trailer ngl, it was kind of disappointing in a way but it was still nice to see how everything played out and to wait all those scenes out.

When Eraqus appeared from Terra and they all ran to him crying I about lost my damn mind, though. It was so heartbreaking and then the way they set up a memorial for him when they got back home and put their wayfinders on it ksjfskdjfsdjkfsjfsdf GOD. It’s so heartbreaking to me, because BBS is just such a heartbreaking game and there’s so much emotion in those characters. And when Xion burst out crying when she and Axel and Roxas reunited, that was me. AND THEN IN THE END ON THE CLOCKTOWER WITH ISA AND THE TWILIGHT TOWN CREW SKFDJFS IN THEIR NEW OUTFITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God that was satisfying ;; I’m so happy to see them out of those old black coats and in nice new outfits and then Namine and Xion collecting seashells while the boys mess around with a frisbee and ruin Donald’s sand sculpture of himself it’s so CUTE

But then I think about Kairi and Sora and my heart falls. It’s not right without them there and it’s not the ending to the story that I wanted. Overall. But. It opens up a path for KH4 and I’m excited to see how that’s going to play out now.

Like I said, I’m left with an overwhelming feeling of emptiness now and I don’t really know what to do with it but play the game again. I don’t think I’ll be finishing it again anytime soon, though, because those last bosses are really tough and it took a lot out of me just to beat them lmao. It’s ridiculous what they put us through just to complete the game ksdfdfjsdfsdjf And then the Caribbean world with those damn ridiculously hard ship battles and collecting white crabs to power up your ship like. It was ridiculous, also, lmao. I had to do so much white crab farming to level my ship up to max JUST to barely get through that Luxord battle. It was very stupid. And I can’t imagine how the boss that follows would have played out had I not maxed my ship out. It’s just a lot of work but it’s a game and they added a lot of different variations of combat and mini games and such to make it a new experience and I appreciate that a lot!! I just am really bad at video games lmao I love them and I get through them in my own button mashing hack n slash recklessly offensive way but I’m still very bad at the games tbqh.

But like, there’s emptiness, there’s that nagging feeling of incomplete-ness and WHAT HAPPENED TO SORA!!!!!! IS KAIRI BACK OR WAS THAT AN ILLUSION TOO I AM SO CONFUSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s painful to my heart, man.

I also want to say, unrelated to all of this, that from the past few games including KH3, I feel a strong connection to Sora. I never really connected to him before because we are polar opposites but I still loved him because he encompasses qualities that I wish I had. Optimism, especially. But he wavered a lot in DDD and in KH3, he really showed that he’s vulnerable and that he has his limits. And that he spent all that time thinking he was the Only keyblade master and that he was so great at his job all to find himself NOT a master, NOT the chosen one, and being essentially powerless, I relate. I was a gifted child, I thought I had a bright futurea nd that I was good at everything but I’ve had to learn over the years that I’m not. I graduated from college magna cum laude, yes, but it doesn’t mean much when I can’t recall much of what I learned, now does it. Lmao. So it’s just really something I identify with, grappling with your averageness, I suppose. Your lack of power, your lack of skill, but still, you have a lot of heart and SO much love to give and that’s what pulls you through! I think that’s my takeaway message from these games, and I will write that ‘what KH means to me’ essay soon, elaborating more on this.

But for now, I’m just going to sulk for a while at how empty my life feels now that this game is said and done and all I can do is replay it and cry and FEEL THINGS lmao

♥ Brittany

Filed under: video games

00000 Monday 17 December 2018 @ 11:05 pm


Just. The first half made me all happy and shit but the second half??????????? UM. SOMEONE HELP.

No but like I cried. I legitimately cried. I’m just so overcome with emotion that I can’t deal lmao

Can we just talk about Lea and Kairi being bros and then him going ‘who are you?’ to what appears to be Xion holding her keyblade against him and then doNALD DUCK COLLAPSING IN BATTLE I’M SO SAD and then Kairi being swept away and riKU FIGHTING RIKU REPLICA AND THEN THE WAY HE PROTECTS SORA AND SORA’S SCREAM I CAN’T!!!! HANDLE IT!!!!!!!

I don’t know man, I know it’s probably silly but you have to understand, I have been playing Kingdom Hearts since it came out when I was 12 years old. I have been waiting longer than I was even alive when it came out for KH3 to happen. And now in one month, it’s happening. I can’t even believe. It’s almost here, for real, no delays, nothing. It’s completed and ready for us to play when it’s time. It makes me cry because this series feels like home to me. It really does. It is home. It’s what comforts me when I’m at my lowest. I just really love this series with all my heart and it will always have a very special place in my heart. I hope that one day, if I decide to have children, that I can share this with them and that they’ll feel the same way about it as I do. I don’t expect that, of course, but it would be so nice if it did mean something to them.

But anyway, KH3 will be a fun game, full of emotions and heartache, I’m sure lol I’m ready to play it and cry and feel things. I just wonder if there will be other Disney worlds they haven’t revealed yet. I’m excited to find out if we get more, but if not, I’m pretty content with the selection we have. Would’ve loved to see Nightmare Before Christmas again but there’s not much more story to draw from it so I’m not holding my breath lol

I just… left this for a bit to go read some old things for I don’t know what reason. So, I think I’ll write another entry later about that. But for now, just know that Kingdom Hearts is my world and when KH3 comes out, I will be in a big comfy KH3 hole until I finish it lol it’s gonna be so fun!!!!

♥ Brittany

Filed under: video games

Final Fantasy Meme
00000 Saturday 6 January 2018 @ 11:05 am

This is an ask meme from Tumblr but I never get asks and I wanted to do this SO I’M DOIN IT HERE

1. Favorite Final Fantasy game?
FFX. It was my first FF so it’s very special to me. It’s one of those rare games I can pay 95949 times in a row and not get tired of, I just love it so much.

2. Least favorite game?
Unpopular Opinion but FFVII lmao. I liked it just not as much as the others I’ve played.

3. Which games have you played?
VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, X-2, XII, XIII, XIII-2, XIII LR, XV. So a lot. But I only played VI and XII part way through so I can’t say much about them, I did like them for the most part tho, esp VI.

4. Most underrated game?
FFIX. I don’t feel like it gets the love it deserves, it’s such a fantastic game and it taught me a lot of life lessons growing up.

5. Most overrated game?
FFVII. My own feelings aside, you’ve got to admit the hype for it is a little crazy. It’s a good game but maybe a bit undeserving of all the hype, imo. Part of the reason it underwhelmed me is because I had high expectations going in an got disappointed when they weren’t met. Hype does nothing any good tbh.

6. Favorite protagonist?
Zidane for sure. I felt like he was a breath of fresh air from the broodier types like Cloud and Squall–both of whom I love, I just feel that Zidane was much more cheerful and knowledgeable about life. So his breakdown was that much more powerful, too, because you didn’t expect it from him. That’s why the whole “you’re not alone” scene is so strong.

7. Favorite antagonist?
Hmm, maybe Kuja? Ultimecia is pretty badass too but you don’t really get to know her much lmao that’s why there are so many theories about her. But Kuja is interesting. In the end he was just afraid to die alone, so he was like fuq it ima destroy the whole worLD. Which is very excessive. But it’s interesting. Kuja is very Extra.

8. Favorite side character?
I’m assuming this means a character that isn’t the protag, and barring my favorite characters overall, Ima say probably Lulu. I just love her so MUCH.

9. Favorite NPC?
Oh god idk maybe Blank from FFIX? He did a good and sacrificed himself to save everyone, luckily he was only petrified and could be saved later but man he was a good bro to Zidane.

10. Overall favorite character?
Yuna and Vivi are tied. Yuna is everything I wish I was, and used to be but I grew up and I’m just not like that anymore. I wish I was sometimes, but yeah. I look up to Yuna a lot. And Vivi reminds me so much of my younger self, too, like when I was really little. I feel like I love him in a way that extends to self love, because I want to protect him like I wish I could have protected my younger self.

11. Funniest character?
Zidane is pretty funny. So is Prompto. Um, I don’t know though I think those are my choices, I can’t think of anyone else that I find funny. I like Zidane’s whole goofy persona and Prompto is just a clumsy dumbass and I love it. Also, Rikku is pretty funny in X-2 lol.

12. Best looking male?
Ignis Scientia.

13. Best looking female?
Fang. SHE’S SO GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL. All the FF ladies are gorg but Fang tho.

14. Character you would most like to marry?

15. Character you hate the most?
Seymour. Everything he does is gross.

16. Which game had the best cast of characters?
Probably FFX. I’m biased though but I just fell in love with those characters so easily.

17. Which game was the saddest?
Probably FFX if we don’t take the events of FFX-2 into account–or if you take the sad ending into account. I haven’t played enough of VI or XII to say although I’ve heard VI is pretty sad. But I’ll go with FFX.

18. Which game was the funniest?
I find FFXV to be pretty funny a lot of the time but FFIX was lighthearted in a funny way despite its dark undertones.

19. Which game had the best love story?
FFVIII. I really loved that love story the most, although I know a lot of people would disagree and there are a lot of gripes about it… I loved it anyway.

20. If you could enter the game world and personally replace the main character of any game (playing through the game as yourself– you can change the story or keep it the same), which one would you choose?
FFIX or FFX. I loved those worlds the most.

21. Which game would you sooner die before doing the above ^?
FFVII lmao

22. Which game’s world would you most like to live in?
FFIX! I love that world so much.

23. Which specific location (e.g. Besaid Island) would you most like to live in?
Black Mage Village in FFIX. Or Dagguerreo however you spell it fuq but mostly BMV.

24. What’s your favorite job/class? Is this the same class you would want to be if you entered a class-based Final Fantasy game, or would you rather be a different one? If so, which one?
Black Mage. Always loved using magic. I’m not familiar with every class in FF since I only played the later games and not the first one or tactics or anything. But I’m p sure I’d still choose Black Mage.

25. What is your favorite ability?
Hmmmm, Protect Girls in FFIX is a pretty cute one. So is Provoke in FFX. I also like No Encounters a lot for when I’m in confusing dungeons :))))))

26. Favorite boss fight?
Leviathan in FFXV is pretty cool. I also like Sinspawn Gui in FFX.

27. Favorite enemy (e.g. Malboro)?
Tonberries are cool, the bastards.

28. Your favorite spell?

29. Favorite summon?

30. Least favorite battle/boss fight?
This is hard lmao there are a lot that I hate but Dark Yojimbo in FFX is a huge bitch. Having to fight him 5 times is so excessive, too.

31. Do you have any theories or headcanons you swear by (e.g. Rinoa as Sorceress)?
Not really although I do like the Rinoa as a sorceress/Ulimecia theory. Makes the game interesting.

32. Are there any fanon theories/headcanons you just can’t believe?
Squall is dead at the end of disc one lol

33. What is your favorite canon couple? (Doesn’t have to be the protagonist’s love story e.g. could be Cid/Shera)
Rinoa/Squall. Tidus/Yuna is another fave.

34. Which canon couple do you think is most likely to break up sometime after the credits roll?
Lol aww I don’t know, but they had Tidus and Yuna break up in that atrocity of an audio drama that I think we all just collectively choose to ignore. But while I don’t like that at all, I think it would make sense for them to have a lot of problems adjusting to couple life and Tidus adjusting back to… well, life in general and such.

35. What is your favorite NON-canon couple?
Hmmm. Tifa/Aerith. Fuq yo canon love triangle, Tifa/Aerith is where it’s AT. Also, I guess Fang/Vanille because they’re never stated to be a couple in canon even though we all know they are lol

36. And your least favorite non-canon couple?
Aurikku. I pretended to ship it for a while because a friend was a hardcore shipper and I was just dumb but it’s really gross lol

37. What do you think makes a game a “quintessential” Final Fantasy game? (In other words… some people say the new games don’t feel like Final Fantasy games to them. What FEELS like a Final Fantasy game, to you?)
All the games up to XII have the FF feel to me. Especially FFIX and FFX. The newer ones (XIII and XV) really don’t tbh, but I still love them.

38. What things did/would bother you when/if they were put in the games (i.e. what things DON’T belong in Final Fantasy games)?
Well, as much as I love FFXV, the mundane realism is kind of unnecessary. I don’t mind having a car and smart phones but it’s mostly the longass car rides you can’t always skip and just the boring running around with no purpose shit I could do without.

39. What is your favorite prequel or sequel?
FFX-2. Bash on it all you want, it was fun and still is fun.

40. Square-Enix hands over the reins to you, to make a prequel or sequel for any game of your choice, even ones that already have those things. What do you make?
FFIX HD remake. I’m jk (kind of) but I’d love a FFX prequel of Auron, Braska, and Jecht’s adventures.

41. Which character has the best outfit?
Lulu. It’s the most impractical lmao but I love it.

42. Worst character design?
Um idk I wasn’t fond of Amarant’s design.

43. What is your favorite weapon?
Ultima Weapon in like any game lmao

44. What cutscene do you wish you could cut out of any of the games?
Um, none really. I do wish I could cut out a lot of the unnecessary driving scenes in FFXV tho like I said lmao. I can’t think of any cut scenes I’d cut out, even really long unskippable ones like the Yunalesca ones in FFX. They’re important so I wouldn’t cut them.

45. What creature do you most wish was real? (Chocobo’s, moogles, etc.)

46. Best soundtrack?
Oh god that’s hard. They all have great OST’s. I think FFVIII is my favorite, though.

47. Favorite overworld song?

FFVI, I love Terra’s theme.

48. Which game had the best opening cutscene?
FFX-2 had the most fun one by far. I think FFVIII had a good one, too.

49. Which game had the best ending?
FFIX probably.

50. Favorite vocal Final Fantasy song?

Eyes on Me.

51. Favorite non-vocal song?
SO HARD. I have so many. Um. Idk right away I’m gonna say Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec because it pops to mind first

52. Favorite limit break/overdrive/trance/you-get-the-picture mode and/or ability?
Zidane’s trance Dyne abilities, and Rikku’s Mix.

53. Are there any plot-holes or questions you have about any of the games that you wish would be resolved?
I can’t think of any in particular, honestly it’s been so long since I played some games that I can’t remember plot holes. FFXV does have a lot of them, though, being unfinished and all. But honestly, I’m so unobservant and forgetful anymore than I can’t really point any specific ones out lmao but a lot of things are only just making sense with the DLC’s and added scenes and shit.

54. What scene had the most impact on you?
The scene at Home in FFX when Tidus finds out that Yuna will die when she defeats Sin. I still cry.

55. Which game did you play first, and when (how old were you, etc.)?
I played FFX when I was 12 in 2003. I remember loving the idea of FF after playing KH and then back when G4 existed and was good, I saw a Cheat episode dedicated to FFX and was like I NEED THIS GAME so I bought it on ebay and I fell in love instantly.

56. Do you own any merchandise?
I do! I have a Yuna necklace and Squall’s ring. I also have a FFVIII bracelet. Um, let’s see, I have posters and CDs although I found out at one point that they’re mostly bootlegs lmao sobs I think that’s it.

57. What game that has yet to be released are you most looking forward to?
I look forward to FFXVI even though there’s no info at all about it yet lmao I always look forward to new FF games.

58. What do you think of the Final Fantasy fandom in general? Do you think it is a good one? Any complaints?
I think it’s a good one despite ridic ship wars lmao I don’t really take part in it anymore but it was never really BAD to me growing up.

59. Do you have any favorite works of art or fanfiction that you always go back to, and/or basically accept as canon?
No. I never really read fanfic, although I wrote it.

60. If you got the chance to work at Square Enix making Final Fantasy games, at any job, regardless of your skill set (they offer you paid training), what would you most like to work on or do?
Writing. I’d love to help write a FF game.

♥ Brittany

Filed under: memes, video games

Final Fantasy XV shit
00000 Friday 15 December 2017 @ 11:35 pm

So Final Fantasy XV, right, I have a lot of feelings I gotta let out, man.

Completely unrelated to the recovery this blog is supposed to document but lmao when have I ever stuck with that.

Anyway. FFXV.


Like. I didn’t think I’d like it at all? I thought it would disappoint me because I’ve been here since Versus XIII was announced all those years ago. I’ve seen this game evolve and change over time and I felt less and less about it as more stuff came out.

But playing it for myself without everyone else’s opinions getting in the way, I grew to love it a lot. Like wow, who knew that actually PLAYING THE GAME would ALLOW ME TO FORM MY OWN OPINION amirite. lmao.

But no really, this game means a lot to me now. I say shit like PROMPTO IS MY SON but I really mean that he resonates with me because I see a lot of myself in Prompto, and in a lot of ways his character is how I wish I could be despite all of my sadness and feelings of inadequacy. I didn’t expect any character in this game to resonate with me to that extent but here we are. Precious Prompto, my sunshine child.

idk idk the ending made me feel a lot of things and then there’s Luna and Noctis and all of them and ahhhhh feelings ;;


Then of course Episode Ignis just came out and that made me feel SO MUCH. Episode Prompto did, too, but in a different way. Prompto’s ep was very much about Prompto which I appreciate, you get to know more about him and his backstory and you learn about him WITH him and I love that so much. Episode Ignis is more related to the plot, as is fitting because of who Ignis is, and as such it has this emotional impact to it that’s very different. There are 3 endings and all of them have their own pain attached to them, if that makes sense.

I prefer the general ending, wherein Ignis loses his sight and the course of events takes place in line with the main game and go toward that ending, and how it shows Noctis thanking Ignis for being there with him and for his sacrifices. I appreciated that a lot more than the happy alternate ending where EVERYBODY (except Luna) LIVES because there’s more emotional weight to it. Like it made me cry my little eyes out. Seeing Noctis’ reflection as a 20 year old kid in Ignis’ glasses really got to me, because it never occurred to me that the last thing Ignis ever saw was Noctis at that age, so he didn’t get to see what Noctis looked like as a 30 year old man. The bad ending was just sad in a bad way that wasn’t emotionally charged lmao I got it by sucking at the game but hey, I saw it.

I just really appreciate how wrong I was proven by this game. I didn’t think it’d be as emotionally charged as it really is and becomes increasingly more so with the new DLC’s that come out. And while I have my criticisms, one of them being that there need to be all these DLC’s and movies and anime and whatnot just to get the full story and full emotional impact. And there are more DLC to come. Also, the women in the game are very underplayed and Luna especially got the short end of the stick with little to no character development and they just really fucked her over for no reason. I had to watch the movie Kingsglaive just to get to know her better lmao and that movie is hard to come by, I was lucky to find it so cheap.

But I digress. It really isn’t much of a Final Fantasy to me, it’s a good game in its own right but it really doesn’t feel like an FF game. It feels like a game all its own, and it has fantasy elements but it is a “fantasy based on reality” after all so I can’t really… like, I can’t say it’s not what I expected. And it’s not bad in any way, I like the modern take on fantasy elements. I like that they have smart phones and cars and how Prompto talks in internet lingo sometimes lmao it’s just very different from past FF’s and that’s not a bad thing. It’s just, idk, I don’t really have a strong opinion about this. It just took a long time to warm up to because as a Final Fantasy title, I had expectations initially. But when I cast those aside, I got to enjoy the game for what it is rather than what it could’ve been ten years ago.

But overall, I love it. I’m not without my (constructive) criticisms, but I do love it.

So much. SO MUCH.

I was going to say more but I don’t remember what. I’ll edit this later if I feel I have more to add.

♥ Brittany

Filed under: video games