So I haven’t posted in a month so I figured it’s time for an update.
I’ve been on new meds for a while now and I had a psych appointment a few days ago. They seem to be working well because I’ve been doing a lot better, all things considered. My life isn’t at the best point right now but I haven’t had a depressive episode in almost two months so I’m pretty happy about that. I’ve been okay, some days happy, some days not so happy, but okay. Stable. That’s all I’ve been asking for.
I’m overwhelmed by school stuff and I go back for my last semester in a week, so I’m feeling pretty antsy. I’m more concerned with grad school and how to make that happen, moving to a new place and all that’s involved there and just, yeah. It’s all confusing and difficult. I’m not that concerned about my classes since I’m taking like creative poetry and personality theory and shit, I think I’m gonna be okay this semester, I’m not worried about it being super stressful even though I know it will be.
I really miss my counselor lately but I’ll be okay with my new therapist. I just have to try to see her more often and build a good relationship with her. She’s really nice and understanding so I think she’ll help me a lot.
Since I stopped doing this at some point, here’s an update of my face
Kira is doing well, too. Too lazy to post a photo of her because I’m terrible but she is good. She’s the only thing that keeps me going some days.
I don’t have much else to say, but I felt I should update this with my more positive progress. And now I leave you with my children, please support them
So I’m off to a gr8 start keeping this blog active like I wanted to this year. I haven’t been journaling much at all lately. I just haven’t felt up to writing, much less anything to write about. But I’ll try. I might try jsut doing monthly blogs if I can’t bring myself to write individual ones more often idk, I just want to try to keep writing. It’s all I’ve got, really.
But anyway, so far the Abilify is working pretty well. My doctor increased it to 10mg and it was making me shaky but it’s gone away now. The restless fatigue bullshit has gone, too, so that’s good. I’ve been a lot more mentally and emotionally stable which is good, but school has been making me super stressed so… that’s great. I’m just very tired and burnt out. Like… I have all the symptoms of burnout and all I want to do is sleep, I am so tired of everything. And now that I’m finding some sense of mental stability for the most part I just want to live my life instead of being bogged down by stress. But I don’t even know what I can DO to live my life tbh lmao. I just feel really alone and out of place when I’m at school and then I come home to piles of homework and stress about shit to come. Idk. I just really want to run away and start over sometimes. Sell all my shit and move far away. That kind of daydreamy bullshit lmao.
I just really can’t wait to be done with undergrad and hopefully be able to go on to grad school. I’ve got to start planning out what I’m gonna do if I can’t get financial aid to pay for it, or at least help. Like if I can’t get a fellowship or whatever, I’ll have to start looking for a job but it’d have to be one that I can actually do with my disabilities and one that will pay well enough for me to go off of disability and lsdjfsldlfja it’s. It’s frustrating and difficult and I don’t want to think about this right now.
Anyway, we got Kira spayed and that went okay. She has a tattoo in her ear because apparently they do that now lmao so that annoys me but it’s okay. It healed up well, as have her stitches and she’s back to her speed racer self. But I had to take her to the vet for other reasons unrelated to the spay. She had a fall and landed on her left hip and kept limping but the vet said there was no injury, just that she has something called patellar luxation, which is a birth defect that causes the kneecap to go out of place at times and that the fall may have just exacerbated it. But it’s a permanent condition and she will limp when it goes out of place and be in some pain until she learns to manage to get it back in place. But she seems to be doing okay, we have pain meds for when it gets too bad but she’s been okay since the vet visit. So that’s just something we have to deal with and surgery is an option later on if it gets worse or becomes really bothersome. So I’ll keep that in mind, I would just rather it not come to that.
Other than that there is really nothing going on. I’m just tired of school and tired of my house and tired in general and I really want this year to be done with. I’m ready for 2018 already because then I will be done with everything and in a new chapter of my life and I’m more than ready for that right now. It’s just more waiting games and this semester is going to be grueling and keeping my shit in perspective is hard. It’s just a semester and it’ll all be over by May and hopefully I’ll be able to walk at graduation and get to go back next semester for a couple classes to get my full 120 credits (because I’m 4 short still lmfao 4 jfc) and and
And the best thing
I get to see Stevie Nicks in March. OHHHH MY GODDDDDD I AM SO EXCITED IT’S ALL I’M LIVING FOR AT THIS POINT JUST TO HEAR STEVIE’S VOICE IN MY EARS LIVE I AM SO PSYCHED. Like the week after the show is a grueling one with my thesis presentation and then a group presentation for my religion class and exams and papers due and shit buT BUT. BEFORE ALL THAT I GET TO SEE STEVIE AND CRY MY EYES OUT AND CRY AND SING EVERYTHING OUT AND I AM SO EXCITED. I just ahhhh I can’t wait. It’s making everything worthwhile. I’M DOIN IT FOR STEVIE.
Also I really need a new layout. I love this one but I want a colorful one. I might just use an old one for a bit because lol time like I have time to make a new one like I really want to. Sobs.
So, I did manage to get a cat after a whole year of wanting one. And she is super precious. She’s a 5 month old kitten (and already so big lmao she’s so big omg) and she’s a brown/grey tabby with black stripes. She has gorgeous little red markings above her big brown eyes and it just makes me so happy. Kira in general makes me very happy.
(It’s hard to get a good picture of her because 1) she’s super hyper and always moving and 2) lighting in my house sucks. So just deal with my shitty pictures lmao she’s still the most adorable thing ever.)
So, meet Kira. Her hobbies include biting me, biting my phone, eating everything but her cat food, and darting around the house like a banshee and talking. A lot. She’s very vocal lol.
The story goes like this. I went to the shelter asking about kittens and they took me back to where they had all their youngest cats. Kira immediately got my attention. She locked eyes with me and started meowing and being adorable and I just couldn’t say no lmao. I WANTED TO TAKE ALL THE CATS HOME THEY WERE ALL ADORABLE AND VERY CHILL and Kira had a sister in there, too, who was very very chill. Kira was the rowdy one and of course I ended up picking the rowdiest one despite wanting a more calm cat. But I don’t care, Kira and I had that connection, ya know. And she’s very calm when she wants to be lmao she just has lots of energy. But she’s a very good girl and listens when I tell her not to get into something. I just feel bad because I don’t have a lot of energy to keep up with her or play with her for as long as she likes but she does love to snuggle and that makes me SO HAPPY. SO HAPPY.
So idk what else to say, I’m just very elated to have a furbaby again and especially in time for Christmas. She’s my precious Christmas present this year and it’s very fitting that she loves to sit under the Christmas tree and bat at it lol.